Domestic Abuse Information

 The Cycle of Violence 
 Many victims are asked, "Why
didn't you leave (your abuser)?"
The answer can be best
explained by referring to the
Cycle of Violence.  There are only highs and lows in an abusive relationship.  There is no middle ground.  There is the abusive phase where the victim can experience a multitude of abuses. The victim is usually threatened during that phase, "If you leave me, I'll take the children!"
The victim is afraid to leave. As the abuse part of the cycle fades, the honeymoon phase begins. Honeymoon phase is aptly named as the relationship becomes very loving.  Babies are conceived.  The couple is looked at as "the perfect couple".  It's so blissful, the thought of another abuse cycle seems impossible. Until it begins again. 
It is a difficult cycle to break because of its constant return to the honeymoon stage, a renewed sense of hope and the skewed thought that perhaps the abuser may not completely be bad person.  For more
information, please check out:


 This is a very important
tool as it explains
components of abuse.
When people hear the
words, domestic abuse,
they imagine only physical
abuse.  Part of the reason
women don't report abuse
is because they have no
visible scars.  They have
no proof.  Abuse can take
all forms of maltreatment,
as noted on the wheel.
Many victims stay in
abusive relationships not
realizing they are a victim
until they are educated as
to exactly what abuse is
every way someone
could be abused.  
Power and Control Wheel
is a very revealing tool.

For more information,
please check out: 
Domestic Abuse
Intervention Project


4 Ways an Abuser Controls a Victim

Abuse is about control.  The perpetrator cannot bear to lose control of the victim.  When they feel they are losing control, their means to maintain control escalates.  The primary ways an abuser controls their victim:

1) Always Being Right:  The abuser truly believes (s)he is always right.  They need to have everything the way THEY decide.


2) Sense of Entitlement:  Also a trait of the narcissist.  They feel deserving and view the world only through their own wishes.  Others are there to support their vision.


3) Manipulates to Leverage:  Again, another narcissistic trait.  The abuser is highly manipulative, utilizing negative and positive reinforcement to achieve their means.


4) Using Force:  The abuser uses direct battering (verbal, emotional, mental, psychological, physical or sexual) to establish and maintain unequal power in the relationship.


Silence is the Best Friend of Domestic Abuse.


You are not alone. You are not to blame.
You do not deserve to be abused.